Advertising has always been an interesting way look at a specific point in history. The marketing profession, after all, is based on knowing what people want, and knowing exactly what people used to enjoy can be quite useful to understanding them.

But when you judge human history based on historical advertisements, the past will start looking a lot weirder than you thought. Just one look at these creepy vintage ads, and you’ll never see your ancestors the same way again.

1. Is there a first part to that quote?

01-creepy-vintage-adsBuzzfeed

2. “Are you kidding? Of course the world wants fat pig children!” – An ad executive (probably).

02-creepy-vintage-adsVintage Ad Browser


3. For when you’re a cherub and you want to have a raging party.

03-creepy-vintage-adsCracked

4. “You’re never too young or too old for a brewski, Rachel.”

04-creepy-vintage-adsUniversity of Washington Library

5. You’d laugh, but that baby looked like Gimli 5 minutes ago.

05-creepy-vintage-adseuwest

6. WE SWEAR TO GOD IT PROBABLY WON’T KILL YOUR KID.

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7. “Look, honey, yes, he’s a baby. But he’s got a widdle stethoscope! We can trust him.”

07-creepy-vintage-adsVintage Ad Browser

8. “Not just that, Becky. You’ll also be the coolest girl in 3rd grade!”

08-creepy-vintage-adsmedicalassistantprograms.net

9. And soy milk is for commie bastards!

09-creepy-vintage-adskidplanetblog


10. They’re jerks, but at those prices? Who could say no?!

10-creepy-vintage-adsFree Republic

11. Coffee makes you beat your children!

11-creepy-vintage-adsKidplanetblog

12. Why are we taking cigarette advice from infants?

12-creepy-vintage-adsVintage Ad Browser

13. Also twice as suffocated.

13-creepy-vintage-adsCopyranter

14. Not a Sprite man, huh, baby?

14-creepy-vintage-adsConsumerist

15. Cigarettes are babies …?

15-creepy-vintage-adsOwni.eu

16. Get that addiction started early, folks. She’ll be cuckoo for cocoa puffs by kindergarten.

16-creepy-vintage-adsAmazon


17. Is that a threat?

17-creepy-vintage-adsBonkers Institute

18. Great for pretending you fought in a war!

18-creepy-vintage-adsthetruthaboutguns

19. No. Stop it.

19-creepy-vintage-adsSalon

20. It was 1874, so you’d be lucky to live past 40. Might as well start having fun.

20-creepy-vintage-adsFlickr

21. “The milk has prepared me for war with this ham!”

21-creepy-vintage-adsplan59

22. Television: Almost as beneficial as the Internet.

22-creepy-vintage-ads

23. Forget the formula. Your baby wants malt liquor!

23-creepy-vintage-ads

24. That baby is the devil!

24-creepy-vintage-adsplan59

25. I take all of my health advice from The Soda Pop Board of America!

25-creepy-vintage-ads

26. “These beans would go great with a side of your soul.”

26-creepy-vintage-adsplan59


27. “No, Lori, not the cat!”

27-creepy-vintage-adsplan59

28. Looks about right.

creepy-ad

29. Pears Soap?!

28-creepy-vintage-adsoddballdaily

I don’t seem to remember all of those soap ads on Mad Men. These really do make me question what people were thinking back then!

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