Bunmi Laditan is mother of three and the author of The Honest Toddler: A Child’s Guide to Life. She recently wrote a post called ‘5 Minutes In A Mom’s Head’, and if you’re a mom, these thoughts will probably be all too familiar.
Oh what time is it? I just closed my eyes a second ago. My bed feels so good. I just want to lie here, please. I don’t even need a tropical vacation or a week long cruise. I just want to lock myself up in this room and lie in bed and do absolutely nothing, but sleep… as long as I want and then watch movies… Yeah, like 5 of them back-to-back. With a tub of semi-soft rocky road ice cream and a spoon. Please.
Is that a cheeto on the floor? How long has that been there? I haven’t even had cheetos in at least a year… How is that even possible? Maybe it’s not a cheeto… what could that be? Didn’t I vacuum the other day? Or was that last week… I can’t keep up. It’s just one big blur. At least we don’t have ants up here or that thing would’ve been history. I need to take everything out of those closets and just reorganize. If I could just spend one day doing that. I would color coordinate all the clothes and get all matching hangers and have everything facing the same direction. Is that the bra I was searching for the other day? Was it Oprah that said your bedroom is a reflection of your marriage… That can’t be true, can it? Or was that the Feng Shui lady on… what’s that show called? It’s on the tip of my tongue…. darn I can’t remember…was it on Dr. Oz? Maybe I should clean this room up and move everything around… is my head supposed to be facing north or east? Which way is north? I wonder if we have a compass anywhere…
The whole downstairs looks like a tornado went threw it. Why can’t I be more like my sister? She’s so organized. How does she do it? Her house is immaculate and her kids are always perfectly dressed. She’s like Martha Stewart. I wonder what she could do to this room. How are we from the same mom? I guess I missed out on the organization gene… is that hereditary? Maybe it is and they haven’t figured it out yet. You know it’s bad when you just pick something off the floor and wear it. Are those dirty or clean? I have to smell… no, it doesn’t smell. Thank God no one can see me. Am I the only one who does this? I haven’t even folded the clothes from last week, but at least they are washed. Now they are all wrinkled, but I’ll fix that. That’s what the dryer is for. I need more laundry baskets. They’re always good for hiding all the dirty and clean clothes.
How did that pacifier get all the way up there on the bookshelf? One of the kids must have thrown it up there. Hmmmm… maybe that’s where all the others went… I have to remember to buy more pacifiers. I gotta write this down… Where’s my notepad? Where’s my purse? Did I leave in the car? I thought I brought it inside.
They say time flies and your kids grow up so fast, but how come it only feels like time is flying when you’re in bed. I don’t even think I’ve had a real nights sleep since I was in high school. Gosh that feels like forever ago. That was when I was skinny. I’ll never lose this baby fat. I want to wear skinny jeans. Will they even be in style still after I lose this weight? Maybe I should go on a diet. I really want to be like those women who go back to their pre-pregnancy size overnight. Why can’t that happen to me? I like food too much that’s why… speaking of which, I’m starving. I wish we had some Cheetos now, or even Doritos. No, I can’t eat that junk.
We should all have some fruit. Yes grapes. And these are good too, they’re organic. I paid 4 dollars more for these. I can’t even tell the difference. Should I even wash them because can’t tap water be bad? Won’t that defeat the purpose of buying organic? Maybe I should wash them with spring water. I should clean out this fridge too. It’s been so long. I can’t even tell what that used to be… I throw away so much tupperware. What should I make for dinner? I feel like I make the same things over and over. Oh no… who just pulled up? I don’t want any visitors… I look like a wreck. I am a wreck. I haven’t even brushed my hair or my teeth. And I have my shirt on backwards. Oh good… it’s the neighbors friend. Wait… did they get a new car? I wonder if that’s their car. Damn that’s nice, I’ve always dreamed of driving a sports car. A red convertible. I would look so good in too. Anything is better than a mini-van that smells like crayons and spilled milk. It’ll be years before I’ll ever get a two door car. By the time the kids grow up, we probably won’t even have cars. We’ll just transport. That reminds me I have to get gas. I’m on E.I have to remember that. I definitely don’t want to be stuck on the side of the road with the kids. I need to renew my AAA. Gosh, I forgot about that.
I also have to schedule a doctor’s appointment. I wish he could just come here. Why don’t they make house calls like you see them do in old TV shows? That would be so awesome, but then I’d have to clean before he came. What if it were an emergency? I wouldn’t have time to clean… I could just hide everything in the laundry baskets and spill some Pine Sol. That always makes a house smell clean to me.
Ugh! I told them about leaving their Legos around in my room… that hurt! I’m just gonna throw this one away… no one will ever know… Oh Jeez. What are they arguing about now? An old stuffed animal with a missing eye. I should throw that away too. I should probably burn it actually. That thing’s been saturated in saliva and snot and God only knows what else. That thing is a biohazard.
Did the baby even wake up last night? I can’t even remember. Oh that’s right… she did. It was 3:33 am. How can I forget? I can’t wait until she sleeps through the night. My life will be so different. I can’t even imagine sleeping straight through. Why are the kids being so quiet? Oh no… they’re up to something. I gotta go look. If only I could just sleep…
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