For many people, getting married is one of the highlights of their lives. They have met the person they want to spend the rest of their lives with, and they can’t wait to shout that news from the rooftops.
Very often they celebrate their union by announcing it in the local newspaper. A photo of the new couple is usually shared along with a brief summary of how they met and when their wedding will take place. Sounds pretty simple, right? How could it ever go wrong?
Sometimes, however, these articles are funnier than they are intended to be. The reason for all of the giggling? While their unions might be perfect, their combined last names are comedic gold…
1. Ah yes, Mr. and Mrs. Golden Showers, what a handsome couple. This is the kind of cringe-worthy hyphenate that will have you and your friends cracking up and leaving your grandparents feeling totally out of the loop.
2. If you meet someone whose last name is “Best” you kind of have to marry them… especially if your last name happens to be something as apropos as “Lay.” The best part is that no one can argue with you about it, because it’s your actual name!
3. If you’re going to enjoy a brewski at all, drinking “Crapp” just seems like a poor choice. Funny thing about this pair? They don’t even drink beer. They are wine and fancy-cocktail people. Who knew, huh?
4. Everyone who knows Mr. and Mrs. Filler-Quick is pretty sure that Mrs. Filler-Quick is going to return from the couples’ honeymoon pregnant. The reasons for this assumption should be… painfully obvious.
5. Gotta love a couple whose names also double as a pretty solid restaurant request. Frankly, it’s kind of difficult to go wrong with “Moore Bacon.” Sure, the breakfast meat might not be as trendy as it once was, but that doesn’t make it any less tasty.
6. This seems like less of a last name and more of a thinly veiled threat of violence. Every man in the proximity of this couple surely finds himself wishing that he was a little bit better protected in the downstairs region.
7. Things couldn’t have been easy for Courtney Butt growing up, you know how cruel kids can be. You know else is going to learn about the cruelty of children? Any future offspring of Mr. and Mrs. Butt-Peeper.
8. Sometimes two people meet and without much time at all they know that they are destined to be together forever. Other couples, however, meet, fall in love… and know that they are destined to have police chasing after them forever.
9. When Brenda Ann Speedy met James Scott Zieper, some people say that it was absolutely love at first sight. Others say that when the duo learned what a priceless phrase their hyphenated names would make, that they agreed it had to be destiny.
10. If one thing can be said for the Partee-Moore wedding, it is that the reception was, predictably, a crazy awesome madhouse of entertainment. With a name like Partee-Moore, it pretty much had to be!
11. The most worrying part of this moniker is that it implies there is a way other than “nicely” to “shave ‘er.” You would like to think that if you tying the knot with someone, the very least they could do was nicely shave you upon request.
12. This is the sort of hyphenated last name that is going to make everyone and their mother blush! Rumor has it that Benjamin Michael Fillerup and Karen Lynn Standing did indeed take a cue from their new last name when it came time to celebrate their union.
13. You gotta love it when a couple’s hyphenated last name could also double as a crime punishable by jail time. Then again, who knows? Maybe this is one of those rare times when the “B” in the last name “Busch” is silent. Stranger things have happened.
14. With a name like this it’s hard to know whether or not to celebrate their union or alert the authorities that they are on the loose. Sure, they look all sweet and innocent, but their names tell another story altogether.
15. Everything about this happily engaged couples’ announcement makes a person cringe. It’s not that they don’t look happy, or that they look awkward or scary or anything; it’s that their last names happen to describe an injury that no one should have to endure.
16. How much do you want to bet that at least one of their friends bought them a tube of topical antihistamine cream as what they consider to be a very, very funny practical joke? Probably three of four friends, if we’re being honest.
17. There is nothing remotely funny about an Aiken-Beaver. Whoops, clearly that was supposed to say that there is nothing remotely funny about a Beaver-Aiken. Take a couple of Tylenol; that should heal that right up!
18. The funniest thing about Mr. and Mrs. Hardy-Harr is that neither of them have a sense of humor to speak of which is why they failed to realize to just how priceless the hyphenated version of their last names happened to be.
19. Funny thing about Mr. and Mrs. Drinkwine-Layer: their hyphenated name also describes their first date just perfectly. First things first: they drank a lot of wine. And then, one thing led to another, and well… you can fill in the blanks.
20. While some of the names on the list have been pretty darn funny, there are some that truly take the cake. Mrs and Mrs. Peters-Stuckenschneider really tops the list. Here’s hoping their shared name doesn’t actually predict the outcome of their wedding night.
21. What is it about people with the last name Bush that they always seem to marry people whose last names are guaranteed to fuse with their own to make for a totally giggle-worthy expression? It’s like they do it on purpose.
22. To be perfectly honest, If you are born with the last name “Hole,” you should get a free pass to legally change your name whenever you want to. Otherwise, it’s going to be pretty hard to have your name not sound hilarious when paired with someone else’s, no matter what they’re called.
23. The last name Toole is pretty innocuous (if you don’t think about it too hard), as is the last name Burns. However, when you put the two together, you are basically guaranteed a last name that is going to make more than one person laugh out loud.
24. When your surname is Funk, you are pretty obligated to marry a person whose last name is Kee. Then, you are also obligated to run for public office using the song “Funkytown” as your campaign slogan.
25. You might think of yourself as being a classy person, and someone who would never look at a person’s last name and laugh with delight at the naughty slang it actually evoked. But that’s only because you’ve never met anyone named Wang-Holder before.
26. If you are over 50 years old and your last name is Dig Coffin and you decide to celebrate your anniversary in the newspaper, you are basically just daring the Grim Reaper to try and drag you off this mortal coil.
27. The only way this pairing of last names could be funnier is if her last name was “Bin” and not “Warde.” How long do you think it will take them to figure out that hyphenating their last names might not have been a great idea?
There’s nothing more romantic than a newlywed couple celebrating their love in print. There’s also nothing more hilarious than when those newlyweds also happen to have utterly priceless last names!
Share this funny list of name pairings with your friends below!