The products that companies are peddling out to toddlers and their parental units have begun to skip right past “necessary” and go right to crazy-town.
These are real proof that the toys and products parents are buying these days range from funny to completely insane.
Oh good, because that’s a combo that makes sense. Good thing Apple charged me $3,000,000 for insurance that doesn’t cover poop-related-accidents.
Get to those kids early and teach them that cleaning can be fun! It’ll be great when they go to another kid’s house for a playdate and start riding their vacuum around like it’s Hidalgo.
Ok, ok. This one is a gag gift. But honestly some people are a few wood chips away from treating their kids like hamsters anyway, so why not.
I’m all for efficiency. If the kid spits up, he just crawl-mops it up as he goes. You barely even have to pay attention to him he’s so self-efficient!
This makes me extremely uncomfortable.
Likely conversation that took place at Fisher-Price headquarters: “Apptivity”? That’s what we’re going with? Sure, whatever. You know what, stick some rings on the handles. Kids are dumb.”
Fun fact: The Snotsucker was my nickname on the JV basketball team in 6th grade. Not sure why.
Because the relationship I want with my child is one akin to that scene from Alien.
I get why this could be useful, but why does it have look like a severed hand?
Actually this rulez.
This does not.
It’s like a Simon Says game for morons.
By sensing changes in humidity and temperature, this device aims to alert you to when your baby needs a changing. Personally, I’ve never had too much trouble telling when a kid has power-washed his diaper.
No one ever told me that kids would be messy! Nothing says “desperately-avoiding-the-reality-of-parenthood” quite like this.
“LOL, why’d I have a kid?”
We’ve gone over this thing before. Better be careful, Pop. The second those muscles lose their power and that kid’ll send you to the ol’ glue factory and use the glue to make a macaroni picture frame. Poor ol’ Boxer.
The Kickbee has a motion-sensor that detects a baby’s kick and proceeds to send out a tweet on behalf of the unborn fetus, all while giving “over-sharing” a new meaning.
Good lord I am not ready for kids.
I mean, sure, I guess. Why not.
Life’s tough, get a helmet!
Again, well intentioned, but come one. Unless you’re kids the next Jorge Posada, these are unnecessary.
These aren’t funny. Baby Toupees are funny.
This is designed to cover your baby boy’s weewee so he doesn’t go peepee of your faceface.
Forget the kid, I need this thing for New York summers.
The Tummy Tub is a bucket that costs $45 and supposedly replicates the feeling of being in the womb. If you want me to treat my kid like he’s hooked into the Matrix, at least don’t charge me through the roof for it.
Stage 3 of the “Leave-Me-Alone-Kid” Parenting Pack!
The perfect way to give your child body-image issues from the earliest age possible.
The world is a crazy place and those baby products are exhibit A. Is there no end to what people will come up with?
Share this with your friends before they’re subjected to “The Daddle.”